Jennifer Novak's first year of college was hard. She was living in a new city, enmeshed in an abusive relationship and struggling to keep up with the demands of school. Things came to a head that spring when she received a breakup text from her boyfriend during an afternoon math class.
"As I'm walking out of class, I was trying to hold back tears and feeling more and more disconnected from the rest of the world," Novak remembered.
As she walked across campus, the dissonance between the outside world and her internal feelings became increasingly apparent. The weather was perfect, but Novak felt a storm cloud hovering over her.
"I [just] wanted to get back to my dorm and ... be alone. [But] I felt like I couldn't even finish the walk there, so I sat down and began having some really, really dark thoughts about who I was, what my self-worth was and if any of this was really even worth it."
As she began to spiral, a stranger approached her. Novak remembers him introducing himself as "Nico."
"He stood a few feet away, and he said to me, 'Hey there. I'm just wondering if I can sit down with you for a while,'" Novak recalled. " I sort of just nodded and said, yeah, that was fine — he was welcome to sit."
At first, she assumed he might have some ulterior motive, trying to recruit her to join some college group or another. But when he sat down, his intention became clear.
"After a breath in, he [said], 'You know, I just noticed that you seem so intensely upset and sad, and it's not super-obvious, but you know ... I can see that's happening. Is it OK if I sit with you and spend some time talking ... about where you're at right now?'"
At first, Novak didn't know what to do. Should she really lay out all her problems to this stranger? But something about Nico made her feel like she could open up.
"So I started talking, and I started crying, and probably did that for a lot longer than I even remember doing, because I remember him sitting there, being patient while I struggled to get the words out about how I was feeling and what was going on," Novak said.
She doesn't remember what Nico said in response to her outpouring of emotions. What she does remember is how she felt.
"I felt very heard and I felt very supported in this nonjudgmental space."
As the conversation came to an end, Nico asked Novak whether she had anyone else in her life she could talk to. He wanted her to create a plan, so that if she ever felt that bad again, she wouldn't be alone.
"He told me to please take care of myself, please remember that these things that I'm experiencing are not going to last forever and that, um, that he wanted the best for me as my life proceeded forward."
And then, Nico got up and walked away. Novak went back to her dorm and called her sister, and in the following weeks and months, life slowly got better.
"I look back on this moment as such a pivotal one in my life," Novak said.
"I know that if I had continued to spiral ... that I probably wouldn't have reached out for additional help. But because he took the time to notice what was going on with me in those moments and [was] willing to take the time to spend talking through all of that, I finally had that 'I matter' moment that I think motivated me to take those next steps and to really make sure I was going to be OK."
Novak believes that if Nico hadn't stepped in, her life likely would've gone in a different direction.
"What I think he gave me in that moment was a sense of hope and a sense of validation that, yes, I did matter, and that as long as I believed in myself and prioritized myself, that I could go on to do great things and that I could do that feeling good."
Novak is now a therapist and partially attributes that career choice to Nico's kindness.
"That conversation ... finally set me on a trajectory to learn who I was [and taught me] to actually value putting energy into [myself] instead of [focusing on] the beliefs and narratives of others."
My Unsung Hero is also a podcast — new episodes are released every Tuesday. To share the story of your unsung hero with the Hidden Brain team, record a voice memo on your phone and send it to myunsunghero@hiddenbrain.org.
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